I am learning to relax into simply being in the flow of life. I’m tired of fighting everything, and all of the anxiety and depression and suffering that fighting the flow causes in my life. I feel like that’s all I’ve ever done - fight the flow of life. Constantly trying to swim upstream, when the real gifts lie downstream. Forward. Ahead.
I think this fighting stems from a belief that I have allowed to enter my core - a belief that says I don’t like people and I don’t like where this world “is” right now. I find myself saying “no” to life quite a lot and thinking “I don’t like this. I don’t want to do this.” (I am not suicidal or even in a dark place right now. This is more of a deep existential sorrow and disconnectedness from the world and society I live in.) I don’t like this tendency we have of getting upset about a thing and automatically blaming others or fighting people who don’t agree with us or needing a thing all to ourselves (or simply a grotesque amount of it) or any of the other number of things that drive humans to be cruel and thirst for blood. It churns my stomach and repulses me. And then I realize those things are also in me. The worst of mankind is in me. I am capable of every last one of those things I also despise. We all carry within us the energy of the world around us and the world around is deeply, grotesquely out of balance. Before you start pointing fingers at any one group or another, please remember they are here to balance us.
The people we think are so opposite us are simply there to keep the balance. The other side of the same coin, so to speak. We are one.
When we all really begin to understand this, I believe we will stop looking at each other as enemies and start seeing that we are each a piece of the puzzle. Each different and so important to the final Masterpiece. Maybe we could even start working together. In unity and balance, we will discover that humans are capable of amazing things! And I believe the possibility of this future is closer than we can imagine - our minds and spirits are opening and growing and we are beginning to see ourselves, and each other in new ways. We are seeing the world around us in a new way and it’s opening our eyes to the atrocities of the past. So deeply painful, yet so vitally important, so we can heal these deep wounds and the trauma that surrounds it. We must go into and through it to heal it, but we cannot get stuck there. We cannot dwell there. What we focus on grows. We all know people who are perpetually angry or always seem to have bad things happen to them. When we only focus on the things that upset us, or the things that go wrong, life begins respond and fold into that belief - it says “ok, that’s the energy you’re sending out, so that’s the energy we will reply with.” Our energy ripples out into the universe and returns to us, bringing with it exactly what we asked for.
I know this might sound crazy, I want to see what we are capable of when we begin to focus on the good things, and start living a life of joyous generosity. The way most of our religions and philosophies teach us we should live - with loving kindness. With openness and generosity. I find it so odd that we have our religions teaching us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, et al, and yet people kill each other daily over these same creeds. We have for millennia. It’s insanity. How do these precepts not affect our lives on a deeper level? Perhaps we need to look at the fruit of our lives. That is where we can see what we really believe - in the quality of our lives, we can really test the quality of our roots/beliefs and that which waters them. I believe we are all so worried about keeping the traditions/sign posts of the past alive - the old ways and beliefs - that we are completely closed to God/Source/the universe expressing itself in new ways (this is the idea I am exploring in a mural on my wall - the picture on this post). Why wouldn’t creation continue to develop and grow, as it has since the beginning of time? Moving forward. Sifting out what no longer serves us to make room for new ideas. Room for a new, deeper understanding of the world around us, how it works, and what this is. Isn’t that what we all really want to know, anyway? We frame it as “where do we go after death?” but what we are really asking is, “what is this experience we are having? Why are we having it? To what end? Where are we headed with all of this? And how can I live this joyous life I always hear about?” I want to know that too. I always have, ever since I was a child.
And so, I aim to explore this for the rest of my life in whatever ways I can, and sharing my art, musings, thoughts and ideas on this page. At least for now. I do not claim to have the answer or know the way. I probably never will, and that’s ok. The joy is in the journey, after all. I am simply finding MY way, my path. I want to study every religion and philosophy - find it’s TRUTH, and learn from it, let it make me a better human in any and every way possible. I want to live in life’s flow every moment of this experience and see what happens. I want to put the pieces together in my own life and help to open a new way of living here, on earth, together. There is a better way. There has to be. After all, as above, so below. Or, “On earth as it is in Heaven.”