In June 2020, I had an incredibly transformative experience at Medicinal Mindfulness - a group in Boulder that is innovating and bringing Cannabis Assisted Psychedelic Therapy (CAPT) into the public eye. I had reached a point in my life where I had tried everything I could think of or try, but I was still spiraling downward. Depression and anxiety marked my daily life, and I was tired of having been on anti-depressants for nearly 13 years. I needed a change, and my hope was CAPT would be the catalyst I had been looking for.
My life shifted so dramatically that weekend, my husband likes to say that I went down to Boulder one person and I came back a completely different person. CAPT opened up an entirely new world to me and it took me nearly 7 months to process my experience and get to a place where I could move forward with it. In March 2021, I attended Psychedelic Sitters School 1 (PSS1) at Medicinal Mindfulness in Boulder, CO, where I learned how to be a sitter for Psychedelic work, specifically for CAPT. In April, I attended PSS2, where I learned the skill of guiding people in the psychedelic space. During these two intensives, I was in a place where I could really pause in my life and listen - listen to my heart, listen to my soul, and listen to my body.
The quieter I got, the clearer life became, and I found my body begging for movement. I started working out, but that didn't feel right, so I went deeper and listened more. I found that my body just wanted free movement - movement where I could turn inward, and let my body simply unwind. Unwind all the trauma others and I had visited upon my body and mind. Unwind all the tension and anxiety I was holding on to. Unwind all the beliefs I had outgrown. I craved it so deeply, I would often spend 1-2 hours a day simply letting my body move in whatever ways it needed. The movement became my meditation, my medicine. As I moved and my mind would quiet, great wisdom began to "bubble up" from within my body, and into my mind. Lessons I was learning, new perspectives and ways of viewing life and the reality in which we live. The more I let my body unwind, the greater my life changed - deep, lasting change - I began to find calm and clarity in the seeming chaos around me. I was finally finding peace where there seemed to be none at all. I was getting healthier - not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I began to shift from a life hoarding and being addicted to shopping, to a life of minimalism. I started spending more time with the earth, spending hours in the sun - my source of life. My Sol.
With my life changing in such dramatic ways, the healing started to ripple into my family. My son, a video gamer who would spend hours in his dark room, started coming outside and spending time in the sun with me, jumping rope, or running. This turned into him finding boxing - a sport for which he now has a real passion and talent! My daughter has begun her search for her significance in life - a deeper dive into why she is here, and learning to find peace in the midst of her own struggle with depression and anxiety. My husband started walking daily and doing yoga, and 6 months ago he decided to pick up and learn how to play guitar (having wanted to learn since we started dating in 1994).
The ripples continue to spread, as I grow and unfold with my daily practice. My movement has gotten slower, and I often find myself sitting for long moments in the quiet of my mind and body, now. I am learning to listen, learning to open my intuition and trust. My consciousness continues to expand while my understanding broadens. I am blooming and unfolding - mind, body and soul.
I am becoming.